My very merry christmas.

Today was amazing. Perhaps one of my best christmases ever. It wasn't because of the presents, although I must say, Santa baby, your on the nice list. It was because of how happy I felt with my family. As a tore open the paper this morning, off gifts so thoughtfully given, and looked at mum in her dressing gown watching patiently, ensuring that every single thing was perfect, dad being more excited about our gifts of water guns and candy and books than we were, our dog playing happily with her new toys and food stuffs and my brother being 17, pretending to be too cool but really I think enjoying every moment of our traditional christmas morning, I felt a painful wave of nostalgia. I remembered the times when we were little and all this would be taking place a 5 30 am, and I thought of all the family we had lost and gained.  I appreciated every little tradition, our one hour of beach patrol, our big christmas turkey and my Aunties,  amazing tomato flan, our usual lighthearted dreading of what was to come tomorrow at the annual semi family BBQ and my slightly tipsy gran briefing my brother on how to make mince pies. I watched and observed all of this, and I wondered where I would be next year. I wondered where my family would be next year. I wondered whether I would be able to bear not being there and I concluded that I just don't think I can. It's not because I don't want to travel, or because I will miss out on presents, but rather because it is such a special day of the year. Perhaps the one time, where there truly is happiness, peace and joy, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere other than our little wooden floor, in front of our stockings, wearing pajamas and santa hats.

Merry Christmas!

4. Hidden

Jack Johnson concert. Jack is there, hidden in a blur of lights, cameras and action, but I assure you he was there, and it was spectacular.

This concert is worth a mention. It was at the Domain in Sydney and received quite a mention in the papers, due to the excessive waiting times and over the top security. One man who was 57 years old was asked for ID before he could get a drink, and I was asked for mine after I had walked in and been given an over 18s wristband for showing my ID already. It was... slightly outrageous. And then there was the 2 hour line up for food and the 2.5 hour wait for the first supporting act after the gates opened. As you can imagine, with all of this going on, for $97 dollars, people were feeling a bit ripped off. Once Jack came on though, I must say, the vibe turned around completely and all was forgotten, at least on my part. He was one of the most amazing, laid back performers I have ever seen and I felt so privileged to be there, under the clearest of clear sydney nights, listening to one of my all time favorite singers. 

WikiLeaks

There has been much hype in recent weeks about the whistleblower website, WikiLeaks. Julian Assange is under fire for not just the material he has published, but also for sexual assault? It seems like the media can't make up it's mind whether it wants to take the "Julian Assange is a rapist and therefore we should shut down WikiLeaks" approach, or the "WikiLeaks is a security threat and should be shut down" approach. I have noticed that regularly, when people start telling the world things that our politicians don't want us to hear about or know of, reasons are found to defame and discredit such people. An Australian example would be Pauline Hanson, who was jailed for "fraud" on the record, and "politically incorrect speech" off it. Tony Abbott, who may in fact become the next prime minister of this country, set about derailing Pauline Hanson's One Nation party in the late 90's and he made sure we all knew that there was definitely no free speech provisions in our constitution. She was jailed and derailed because people didn't like what she was saying. She was speaking out, and conservatives particularly among members of the liberal party didn't agree with her views.

Julian Assange is in a similar position. It was all okay, until we found out about all the naughty things American leaders have been up to. I personally do not believe there is a security threat here, I believe there is a threat of exposure. Kevin Rudd, Minister for Foreign Affairs, has recently been accused of encouraging Hilary Clinton at a luncheon to "Use force against China if necessary." Now Australia too is working to derail an internet activist who spoke out, and published something that our precious citizens were not supposed to see. It might upset China? Hardly. It confirms what they already knew, and that is that they don't like Kevin Rudd.

The website may have been taken down, and they can hurl accusations at Julian Assange forever, but if it can no longer expose the people we trust with the running of the world for what they are and what they have been doing with their power, the legacy will still be there. The seed of doubt has been planted in the minds of citizens and hopefully people are starting to realize that wait a second, things are not always as they seem.

3.Round

So I got slightly behind on my "post once a day". Oh well.  Bubbles! Bubbles make everything better, wetter and more circularly fun.

2. Amazing

Today's post is "amazing". I thought this picture summed up that word quite spectacularly. 

When it rains, watch out for the rainbow.

Tall

Thing number 1. Tall. It's that "I've just woken up, and I am going to stamp on you if you don't hurry up and take the picture look" 

26 things

Okay, so my friend sent me a link to this website that does photography projects and we decided to participate in the one outlined below (Even though I realize it is in fact December). I plan on doing one photo a day and uploading it on here. Fair warning though, it has not been good photography weather and I am going to be using my phone rather than an actual camera because I don't own a real camera anymore. 

26 Things: November 2010

It’s time for 26 Things again! 26 Things is a photographic scavenger hunt – for the month of November, go out and take 1 photo to represent each item on the list of 26 Things. On December 1st, come back and share your completed 26 Things entry.

(Upload your photos to your blog, flickr account or anywhere else you host your photographs).

The list for November 2010 is

1. Tall

2. Amazing

3. Round

4. Hidden

5. Green

6. An animal

7. Dirty

8. Early

9. Weather

10. An arrow

11. Curve

12. Tomorrow

13. Inside

14. A ceiling

15. Watch out

16. Key

17. Reflection

18. Track

19. Framed

20. Busy

21. Strange

22. Upside down

23. Spots

24. Shoes

25. Weathered

26. Sunday morning

That’s it! Copy or print out the 26 Things list above, or bookmark this page — remember to take 1 photo for each of the items.

Funerals

I never know how to behave at funerals. It's quite an odd custom really, do you go there to be sad, or do you go there to remember the good times and be happy? And when people want you to be remembering the good times, why do you always feel so miserable? It's interesting, that funerals are entirely for the benefit of the living, rather than the dead. Dead people don't care if you are playing photos of them or their favorite music. People do these things so they, as living people, can preserve memories. I'm not saying I disagree with it, I just think it is interesting.

At the funeral I was at the other day, there was a eulogy given that I thought was absolutely brilliant. It went something along the lines of "I wanted to share with you one of Dad's most prized possessions, his lawn. At a young age, we were given responsibilities, taking out the grass clippings, sitting on dads shoulders watching and learning as he mowed his beloved lawn. When we were older, us boys became apprentices, starting first with the hand held, then later, graduating to whipper snipper and then finally, the ride on. With great lawns, come great responsibility..." I felt like for the first time, it was okay to laugh at a funeral. Everyone else was doing it. I came away not feeling upset per se, but feeling like I had honored a memory, honored the life a of a really great person.

Homecoming

The glorious homecoming I had envisaged for this summer had been tainted with boredom, poverty and my increasingly tempestuous persona, that was a result of to much of everything. People, drinking, decadent foods and parties. I found that for the second summer in a row, I had been dropped from a world of learning and academic prosperity, into that of holidays and laziness. Too much time for reflection and self loathing. As I sat and stared at my computer screen that was so diligently trying to cheer me up by playing boston legal on repeat in a desperate attempt to relive the past year of law school,  I realized that I needed to find a way of kicking my emotionally destructive habits and a way to let go of academia and enjoy summer. It was at this point that I pulled out my worlds biggest time waster gob stopper, and I knew that this was the answer to all my problems.

summer love

It's so hot. My room is sweltering. It's about 26 degrees in here at 9 am. I realized last year, when I made some friends who live overseas where it's much much colder than here, just how lucky I was. I used to complain about the heat, and honestly, where I am, it's hardly even heat compared to up north, however, I feel so lucky, that right now, it's 26 degrees in my room, I am wearing a summer dress, I am looking forward to a nice swim this afternoon and it isn't even the first day of summer yet. 

I sometimes wish that summer could go on forever. I love going looking at christmas lights in my board shorts and thongs. I love christmas day on the beach where all the kids are playing around with their new beach balls and bodyboards and it makes me so happy that I live in a place where the coldest day on record is about 15 degrees. I love that I can walk down to the beach after work in the Summer and sit on the verandah and eat cold salads for dinner. I love that there are mango and plum trees at the ready. I love the sounds of the coast, the birds, the waves, the cool salty sea breeze that blows down from the north... and the afternoon thunderstorms where the rain is actually warm.

I love summer. I love Australia. I love going home. 

Indulgence

You know what is very interesting? The concept of indulgence. When I ask people what they like to indulge in, the answer is often junk food. A chocolate bar, or a big fatty ice cream. I can understand why these things would be appealing when one feels the need to indulge, but I cannot agree. My idea of indulgence is a gourmet antipasto platter, or a long hot bath. Junk food to me, is not indulgence, it's a guilt trip. You know the circle, you crave it you eat it you guilt it. That isn't indulgence. Although I suppose it is rather a personal matter... So who am I to judge? 

The wilderness downtown

This is the coolest thing you will watch and interact with this weekend. Check it out.

:) www.thewildernessdowntown.com

Fuck Moderation.

Tonight is the first time in quite a long time, that I have been angry. I get upset sometimes, or overwhelmed, but I find it hard to be angry. Tonight... I am really fucking angry. I am angry at my friends for behaving like adolescent girls. I am angry that I don't know what is going on next year and I am angry that I can't make my own path. I am angry because I feel like people are telling me what to do all the time and because I feel like people use me as a band aid. I am angry because I am sick of uni, sick of being screwed around by tutors and lecturers, sick of having to think about studying all the time, day in and day out. I am angry because no matter how hard I try, I can't get my eating habits, emotions or relationships under control. I just want to yell and scream until there's nothing else left.

It is interesting though, anger is not an emotion I am used too. I sometimes feel mildly annoyed, but never like this. It's so strong and powerful and I like that for the first time in a long time, I am actually feeling something. Even anger, not directed at any one specific person, just pure, raw anger. How refreshing.

Power, pleasure and pain.

We will never be as young as we are tonight. 

Green day kind of ruined punk...

Hello Hello! 

I am so very sorry about not writing much. I have just been so busy with work and uni and exam preparation.

 I just quickly want to bring to the floor, what I would consider to be rather an interesting observation. I was looking today at a video of the sex pistols. The punk icons. What they sing about, is how fucked up society is. They are individuals, rebelling against the cultural normality. I was then observing a more modern punk band, green day, clad in heavy make up, singing not about rebelling against society, rather, how sad they are as an individual. Quite frankly, I feel that they have killed the true punk spirit. Boo hoo my life is hard, but I'm going to write songs about how sad I am instead of rebelling and standing up for what I believe in. Makes me a little bit cranky. Oh yeah, and Suck that philosophy faculty. I am giving a god damn opinion with out referencing a single god damn thing. :)

x

Let's go on a little holiday, so very far away from here.

A holiday! Finally! Only a week, sure, but a week none the less. A time for watching lots of trashy TV, and getting away from the hustle and bustle of life. A time for happiness, reflection and not caring about a single little thing. Nothing can bother me, no one can touch me, and all I can possibly feel, is satisfaction for every little part of my life. 

Russell Brand. Hero.

So I have a mild infatuation with Russell Brand. I find his humor astoundingly funny. I'm not going to lie. He's crass, he's offensive and he is best known for lines such as "When life gives you lemons, fuck the lemons and bail" and his rock star profile, Aldous Snow. I love the way that he just says things that will probably offend a large portion of the worlds inhabitants , and he says it anyway because when your a comedian and your famous you are allowed to do that.  Seriously, go and watch "Get him to the Greek". You might be disappointed, offended, or apathetic, but I will still feel good for spreading the love. 

I hate how easily I remember things, that you would rather forget.

It's those nights,

The ones where you don't leave until 5 am. 

The ones where your lean in to kiss me in the dark

And you talk to me as we kiss, so that our lips brush

You bury your face into my neck

And we lie there and time seems to go so fast that it actually stops. 

We talk about life

and lust

and about all the great TV shows we want to see.

We talk about hopes

dreams

what we are missing

and where we want to be

Even though we don't have any answers

It's those nights, that I will never forget.

Let go, just for a little while.

It's all finally over. I can think of a thousand reasons why I should be worried and scared but right now all I can think about is how much better life looks when your in control again. Not that losing control is all bad. We have to lose control sometimes, to know that we are capable of regaining it. We have to lose it to know we are alive. 

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouth.

Pretty bubbles

Pretty lights

Pretty pictures

Pretty sights

Stay cool. Pretend like nothing is wrong

Have you got the answers for me?

I have been awake for 36 hours, working on a property law mid session take home exam. Hurrah! Have you got some answers for me? Because I don't know any. I am a mere couple of hours from finishing but everything is so blurry and my memory of having done fraudulent cheques is faded and obscured by lack of sleep.

A friend was telling me yesterday that she feels exams at university are a wasted effort on the part of the university. She said that she felt that they should raise the entry marks, so only the best of the best could be there and that way, they wouldn't need to do exams, they could focus on the actual learning part, and you could learn without pressure and it would be more effective because people would enjoy it and remember it, unlike now, where after an exam you forget half of it all anyway. I am quite inclined to agree with her, although it would be an unfeasible option.

Anyway, I just thought I would try and exude a modicum of myself, before getting lost in someone else's problem all over again. Or maybe it is my problem now.

The facebook obsession.

Facebook privacy. We've all heard about it. Especially recently. People getting fired over this comment,or  for people uploading photos that make them look like a crackwhore, or people getting bullied on their wall because it's easier than getting into a playground punch up. Ironically social networking websites are teaching us how to be completely antisocial.

My blackberry vibrated at 1 am this morning with an email from a friend, who had found out off a friend, about a photo of me on facebook that he didn't like. He doesn't even have facebook and yet somehow, this photo managed to find its way to him. It scared me. It scared me that someone was trolling my facebook page for information about me to give to someone else, to hurt me. Why would someone do this? Why do we have this infatuation with a website that gives us a sticky beak into someone elses life. We use this site to look at our news feed and find out what parties are on, who was at those parties, what our friends are doing at that very moment in time, whose birthday it is, who is in a relationship with who, who is working where, who lives where, and who likes what.

It occurred to me this morning, that despite the fact that the photo in question was nothing out of the ordinary, I feel absolutely violated. 500 + people, are able to look at my facebook, and are able to get information about me that I don't actually think I want them to have. I was about to delete my entire profile when I realized that there were some benefits to facebook, such as actually keeping in touch with friends who are overseas and such, but that aside, I have no use for it. I didn't delete my whole profile, but I have amped up my privacy settings so that only about 10 people can see my photos.

I wanted to delete "friends" because I am sick of hearing about people being bored, or people whining about school and uni and about people who I scarcely speak to. Here's the catch. If I delete people, I feel out of the loop. I feel like I would be missing out on something, not because I couldn't troll peoples pages looking for information about them when I am bored, but because I want to be able to talk to people, when I want to talk to them. I want people to be able to contact me if they need to. Gone are the days when if you wanted to be friends someone you spoke to them a little, hung out a couple of times and built up a trust with them. It's all in the click of a button now. You send a request, they accept and BAM! Your friends.

It's this horrible catch 22, where you are obsessed with these websites, while at the same time, you can't stand the sight of them. It's a cyber addiction. When you could have stopped you didn't want to, and now that you want to stop you can't. The social networking website world is becoming reality, and life is becoming a distorted, chaotic mess of statuses and friend requests. Seriously? Just make a phone call.

Goodbye Winter!

Winter is over in 3.5 hours! Hurrah! I'm considering celebrating by buying a 2ft plush hypodermic needle. Not sure why. To keep me warm at night? To help me overcome my fear of needles? Who cares.  It's a plush hypodermic needle. It's awesomeness is irresistible. 

You can find it at etsy :)

Night Bubble.

You are like a crystal in the window, reflecting colors off every wall

You are like the glow of lamp late at night when everyone is sleeping, except you and me

You are like my bright red sunglasses, when I wear them, I look way cooler than I actually am

You are like a finished assignment thats taken weeks to finish

You are like a pretty rainbow, where every color is clear 

You are like a trip away on the weekend, to somewhere completely isolated and untouched

You are like a lighthouse, flashing on a desolate headland

You are like a clean new notebook

You are like a good fantasy novel

And you are amazing. 

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.”

Wise words by Mr James Dean. I try to follow this advice as much as I can. I dream probably far to much for my own good. I dream about the future, I dream about the past and I dream about things that make no sense at all but make for absolutely amazing dreams. I have big dreams, and everyday I try to keep living them. I wish I could let everything go and follow my heart into it's desire but sometimes that isn't possible. Fuck it, I am living the dream, living the present. I plan to do this, until the day I die.

Cassie Therapy Blog Tag

So the lovely Erimentha has tagged me in her Cassie Therapy this month! Yay!
I tag
Emm, because I just discovered her blog and I really rather like it,
Sanchez, because even though  don't know you, I love reading your blog. It's forever inspiring me, and
Camelgirl because the images in your latest are damn impressive!

The task is: fill in 12 likes, 1 love and 8 hates like Cassie in her therapy video. Below, the bolded things are what you MUST include. Also, please make sure you link it back to me, and link it onto 3 other blogs you admire!

Abracadabra, Wow!

I like boys with fake tattoos  and girls who can laugh at themselves

I like postcards

I like my knitted blanket

I like my new blackberry

I like ribbons

I like painting

I like the ABC news theme song

I like strolling down forgotten streets to remind them that they are not forgotten

I like election news

I like dimmed lights

I like music that no one has ever heard of

I like running in fun runs and getting medals at the end

I love getting to see my family

Today I had one of the worst days of my entire year 

In some ways, I love everything.

Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular

I like things that I like but I love everything

There’s more choice in like

Cos even the worst things have things you love in them

I don’t know what you mean about things I hate

I hate feeling left out

I hate birthdays that no one remembers

I hate being pitied

I hate deciding when to go to dinner

I hate loving people who don't love you back

I hate blowing things out of proportion

I hate it when people criticize something that you already know is bad, and they know you know, but in a way, I expect nothing less

I hate organizing my life

I hate that I am so full of hate today

I hate this, wow. . .Sorry.

let's play it reckless and cool, just like the old days.

Who doesn't love a little bit of rockin' from their youth? Green Day, Good Charlotte, the bands we used to love but wouldn't admit to loving. Yeah, screw it, I will act my age for every single one of the precious few days I have left of being a teen. Rebellious, lost, unsure, little bit reckless, little bit out of the ordinary.

Just like the old days. Before life got complicated.

Monopolizing the world.

Isn't this just the cutest watercolor drawing? I got it off the lovely art pixie.

My blogging has been a little slow of late. Back at university, hectic life setting in. I like it though. I like being so busy I just don't have time to stop and think about anything at all. 

Last night, I played monopoly for over 4 hours. I haven't played that game since I was little, but it really is a fantastic game. I like the fact that even though I couldn't win (After spending the first 9 rounds or so, in jail) I could still think of so many strategies to stop anyone else from winning too. It's amazing how competitive things get though. At the beginning, we made a pledge to all be friends after the game had ended but inevitably people just get so upset about things. It sort of made me realize, that while I am super competitive and in it to win it for myself so to speak, I am actually a pretty good sport, and reasonably calm in comparison to some of the other people who were playing.

I also realized why monopoly has been one of the best selling games ever made. And why despite the fact that the pieces are still images of top hats and old school cars, people can still relate, thus making it mind blowingly successful. 

Saturday night board games are always going to be a winner. 

A day dream in fast forward.

(Photo via art pixie)

Ah. What a stupendous weekend. I ran the city2surf which is a 14 km not as fun as people would like to think it is run. But my goodness, Sydney is so beautiful from that angle. Running around the streets of Bondi half naked, basking in the wintery, but still sort of balmy sunshine, it was like a daydream on fast forward. It all ended far too quickly. Crowds of people milling around, just enjoying living the dream. 

big love affairs

*Let's make some art and smoke a naughty cigarette in the drunkeness of the night. And we'll have a love affair that will never work. And we will remember it for the rest of our fucking lives. *

Ban the Burqa?

As part of an essay competition I plan to participate in, there is the option of writing about banning burqas. It's an issue that while I do not have a strongly sided opinion on, I do have a number of issues that I would like to raise in regards to a ban on burqas in Australia.

Firstly, I am proud to be a multicultural nation. I am proud to say that I am Australian, and that I have friends from England, Canada, China, Iran, Columbia, South Africa and Japan. Those are within my close friendship circle. Being friends with people from so many different cultures, I am aware of how precious these cultures are, and how important it is to these people, to continue with their customs and beliefs, whilst also changing themselves and their values to some extent to fit in with Australian society. My friend from Iran once said, that if he didn't want to make changes, he would have stayed in Iran. This sums up my feelings on the matter also. While culture is important, and no one should ever be forced to give that up, there must be some sort of social integration to the Australian way of life, otherwise there is no point living here. The fact is, this isn't Iran, or China, or South Africa. We have different laws, different people and a different way of life. So in saying this, the question is, should we be banning the burqa, when doing so, is effectively denying  people their cultural/religious ties?

Some people have said that there is a time and a place to wear a burqa. From my own narrow perspectives and knowledge, I would be inclined in some ways to agree. For example, as a lifeguard, I find it harder to rescue women who are clad in a vast amount of material than rescuing a very large man. It is high risk for woman wearing these to go swimming, or even near the water, and particularly if they are not great swimmers. If they don't wear it, they can't go swimming, however from a safety point of view, they probably shouldn't be allowed to swim in one either. I heard a story of a muslim woman in a burqa going go carting once, and the material got caught up in the cart and she was severely injured as a result. There have been many incidences such as this, that would lead me to believe that it impinges on the safety of these woman in many instances and perhaps there should be safety measures in place, such as a ban on burqas in such cases, in order to protect their safety.

There has also been the argument that it is more difficult for woman wearing burqas to be socially accepted into society. The comeback to this was that without one, they would not be able to go outside at all, however, I think this needs to be considered from the perspective of the non muslim Australian  population. If I was to go to Afghanistan, and walk down the street in my bikini, and maybe a pair of short shorts, I would probably be arrested or worse. I would be a total social outcast and people would never want to associate with me. People wouldn't even pretend to be tolerant. So my question, is why then, do woman expect to come over to Australia, wear a burqa down the street in our society, and expect everything to be okay and to be socially accepted. People will naturally be wary, because wearing a burqa is not the normal form of Australian attire.  It hasn't yet been banned, but if it was, could you blame us for wanting to protect our own culture in our own country, just as countries that require the wearing of a burqa do with their culture in their country?

All this being said, the one thing I value most about Australia, is freedom. The freedom to do essentially, whatever I choose. Wear whatever I feel like, however I feel like. If we were to ban the burqa, we are denying people their freedom. Who's to say that if we then had an overly conservative government, they wouldn't then ban bikinis?  How would we, as a nation feel, if such liberties were taken away from us? And perhaps this is something that needs to be thought long and hard about before banning someone from wearing the attire of their choice. There are pro's and cons from both sides. As I previously expressed, I am still in two minds about the issue, however, I do find it interesting and I will be interested to see, just how "multiculturalism" works out for Australia.

shit, it's raining.

*It's really wet outside*

*lame*

*batbrella isn't lame though, that's actually really cool*

Reality check.

It occurred to me tonight, as I enlightened myself via Underbelly,  just how fucked up this world is. This year, on my street, there's been people stalked, a bashing and someone had their car stolen 2 days ago. I couldn't stay and chat to my friend in the park after uni today because I was scared to walk across the field home alone after dark.  It's a world of fear, death and destruction.

The cultivation analysis theory tells us that people, over time, are often influenced by what we see on television over long periods of time. It puts forward the idea that prolonged periods of exposure result in distorted perspectives on reality, and in particular crime and violence. Let me ask though, if these things are happening in my street on a regular basis, am I really being paranoid as a result of watching too many  real life and make believe crime shows, or am I being street smart?

Where do the people doing this media research live exactly? Because in my end of town, this shit actually happens. It's not just on TV. It isn't just something designed to entertain people. It's real and it's damn scary. So obviously, Mr Gerbner and Co, do not live, anywhere near my town. And my town, isn't even one of the bad ones.

The Heart Asks Pleasure First

This is new song I am learning. It's quite spectacular.

midnight kamikaze

It's like I am standing still, while the whole world blurs by.

I hear them, I see them, I smell them, but I can't seem to feel them.

It's all shallow and empty

And it's almost as though all of this never happened. 

Except I know it did.

And I want to cling to that memory

because if I can remember how it was

I can see how it might be.

 

Are these photos just delightful? I found them through art pixie!

I was going through my desk in preparation for uni going back, making room for important things like reading magazines and drawing pictures, and I found this list of things that a friend and I created about what makes boys attractive. So here are my top 5 from that list.

1. Will take me on trips to Paris

2. Will buy me flowers regularly

3. Muscles- but not too many

4. Sparkles in the sun

5. Has a spark of adventure

My oh my. We live in such a materialistic world do we not?