Don't think.

I was sitting in my hot tub, on my wooden veranda, with the lights dimmed and the candles on and I was so lost in my own thoughts I completely lost track of time and space and air and the world around me.

There were these wisps of steam twirling towards the sky, amongst which were rabbits and stars and moons and my dead uncle. As I lifted my arms the steam from that, twisted into crazy shapes above me, I exhaled the breath that I was holding, and it disappeared. I wrote stories in steam. And then I was left again with only my own thoughts.

I thought about the people I love. The people I have always loved, the people I shouldn't love, the people I want to love, the people who no matter how hard I try,  I just can't stop loving. Who I can't seem to live properly without. 

I thought about my life and where it's going. Where will I end up? Where will I be in 10 years time? Where do I want to be? Why can't I see what is going to happen? Why is it, that every time I try to think about the future it always seems to be problematic in some miniscule way, that plants a seed of doubt.

I decided to keep watching the steam as it twisted its way into every little pocket of my brain. Overcame me. And as long as I was creating shapes with my breath, I wouldn't have to think about anything else.