shit, it's raining.

*It's really wet outside*

*lame*

*batbrella isn't lame though, that's actually really cool*

Reality check.

It occurred to me tonight, as I enlightened myself via Underbelly,  just how fucked up this world is. This year, on my street, there's been people stalked, a bashing and someone had their car stolen 2 days ago. I couldn't stay and chat to my friend in the park after uni today because I was scared to walk across the field home alone after dark.  It's a world of fear, death and destruction.

The cultivation analysis theory tells us that people, over time, are often influenced by what we see on television over long periods of time. It puts forward the idea that prolonged periods of exposure result in distorted perspectives on reality, and in particular crime and violence. Let me ask though, if these things are happening in my street on a regular basis, am I really being paranoid as a result of watching too many  real life and make believe crime shows, or am I being street smart?

Where do the people doing this media research live exactly? Because in my end of town, this shit actually happens. It's not just on TV. It isn't just something designed to entertain people. It's real and it's damn scary. So obviously, Mr Gerbner and Co, do not live, anywhere near my town. And my town, isn't even one of the bad ones.

The Heart Asks Pleasure First

This is new song I am learning. It's quite spectacular.

midnight kamikaze

It's like I am standing still, while the whole world blurs by.

I hear them, I see them, I smell them, but I can't seem to feel them.

It's all shallow and empty

And it's almost as though all of this never happened. 

Except I know it did.

And I want to cling to that memory

because if I can remember how it was

I can see how it might be.

 

Are these photos just delightful? I found them through art pixie!

I was going through my desk in preparation for uni going back, making room for important things like reading magazines and drawing pictures, and I found this list of things that a friend and I created about what makes boys attractive. So here are my top 5 from that list.

1. Will take me on trips to Paris

2. Will buy me flowers regularly

3. Muscles- but not too many

4. Sparkles in the sun

5. Has a spark of adventure

My oh my. We live in such a materialistic world do we not? 

Don't think.

I was sitting in my hot tub, on my wooden veranda, with the lights dimmed and the candles on and I was so lost in my own thoughts I completely lost track of time and space and air and the world around me.

There were these wisps of steam twirling towards the sky, amongst which were rabbits and stars and moons and my dead uncle. As I lifted my arms the steam from that, twisted into crazy shapes above me, I exhaled the breath that I was holding, and it disappeared. I wrote stories in steam. And then I was left again with only my own thoughts.

I thought about the people I love. The people I have always loved, the people I shouldn't love, the people I want to love, the people who no matter how hard I try,  I just can't stop loving. Who I can't seem to live properly without. 

I thought about my life and where it's going. Where will I end up? Where will I be in 10 years time? Where do I want to be? Why can't I see what is going to happen? Why is it, that every time I try to think about the future it always seems to be problematic in some miniscule way, that plants a seed of doubt.

I decided to keep watching the steam as it twisted its way into every little pocket of my brain. Overcame me. And as long as I was creating shapes with my breath, I wouldn't have to think about anything else.

Mind Rave.

And there were pokemon movies, UV lights, glow sticks, lights that you held to my eyelids as they flashed so that I could see it all happening with my eyes shut, and the smell of weed was so strong on you that it was almost intoxicating for me just to lie in close proximity, and yet, I felt so refreshed being near you. Like life was mellow and nothing mattered. It was like being in a mind rave. No music, just thoughts. It kind of made me realize that it's okay for life to be just a little bit fucked up sometimes. It's kinda meant to be that way.

It's only kind of cool.

(images via Art Pixie tumblr)

You know what I think about smoking? It's filthy. It's gross. It punishes everyone around the wafts of smoke that float so seemingly harmlessly through the air. So why then, do photos like these make it look so damn sexy? For artistic purposes, I have to say, I some what approve.  Those so very occasional drunken cigarettes, at 3 in the morning, where you don't really breathe it in, you just stand there holding it. You inhale so shallowly and exhale so artistically.  It's kinda beautiful... 

Just don't let it kill you I guess. 

Sorry, but you wern't all that I came for.

(Images via knightcat)

So it seems like fashion is tending towards the dark side these days. Where everything is a little grunge, unmade, a bit risqué. Sheer tops, heavy boots, dark nails and a little tattooing here and there. Screw the classics. Screw decency. Screw curves. Let's get just a little bit androgynous. Let's let other people stop and stare and think, shit your cool. Let's live this fad just a little bit longer, so I can feel rebellious.

Faster.

I couldn't run for 3 days. I missed it so much. 

I missed the sweat that forms in little beads on my forehead

and the way my shirt starts to cling to my body

I missed the way that my legs start to cramp up further and further until I was finished

but they always manage to make it to the end

I missed the way that my stomach clenched itself so tight I thought I was going to be sick

and I missed my stomach unclenching half an hour later

and feeling justifiably ravenous. 

I missed the way that my body didn't want to move for the rest of the day

and I missed the pain of forcing it to move anyway

I especially missed the euphoric feeling of satisfaction at the end of a super long run

where you feel like you have achieved something 

You feel like you have something to live for

You feel like your endorphins have taken acid

and you feel as though this feeling is worth every little bit of pain

that you have ever endured 

Shooting Stars

I have been putting off this blog post for a few days. It's number 100 and I wanted it to be perfect. I didn't want to just do it for the sake of it, but last night, on a brief trip home from college that lasted not 24 hours, I was truly inspired.

I come from a pretty little regional area in the south, and as such, we don't have the brightness of the city lights. What we do have are stars. So many of them, spread throughout this endless velvety sky. As I pulled into my driveway for the first time in several months, I could see them all so clearly and it occurred to me, that not matter where people are in the world, we are all under this sky. No matter where the people I love are, I can look at the sky and know that it is covering us all. I know that they can look at the stars and make the same wishes as I could. I know they could fly to me in a matter of hours and I to them. I know that because of this, I don't have to worry, because everything is going to be okay.