A Twilight Re-Write

So in possibly the greatest writing task of all time, we were given a passage from "Twilight" to read and re write. Some people did it in a horror style, others in gothic style, others even in shakespearean. I felt that Twilight is simply not worthy of tainting these genres, and so I did it like this:


The Actual Passage: 

"You know Bella, Jacob?" Lauren asked—in what I imagined was an insolent tone—from across the fire.

"We've sort of known each other since I was born," he laughed, smiling at me again.

"How nice." She didn't sound like she thought it was nice at all, and her pale, fishy eyes narrowed.

"Bella," she called again, watching my face carefully, "I was just saying to Tyler that it was too bad none of the Cullens could come out today. Didn't anyone think to invite them?" Her expression of concern was unconvincing.

"You mean Dr. Carlisle Cullen's family?" the tall, older boy asked before I could respond, much to Lauren's irritation. He was really closer to a man than a boy, and his voice was very deep.

"Yes, do you know them?" she asked condescendingly, turning halfway toward him.

"The Cullens don't come here," he said in a tone that closed the subject, ignoring her question.

Tyler, trying to win back her attention, asked Lauren's opinion on a CD he held. She was distracted.

I stared at the deep-voiced boy, taken aback, but he was looking away toward the dark forest behind us. He'd said that the Cullens didn't come here, but his tone had implied something more—that they weren't allowed; they were prohibited. His manner left a strange impression on me, and I tried to ignore it without success.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/entertainment/Excerpt-from-Stephenie-Meyers-Twilight#ixzz1qTU1jYsA

The Re-Write. 

“Do you guys all like, know each other? Like, OMG if you do” Lauren asked in her most serious tone- from across the fire.

“OMG we totally do! Pretty much like, forever” Jacob laughed, in his giggly gay voice.

“LOL.” It didn’t sound like she was lolling though, her eyes narrowed to reveal the poor quality clumps of eyeliner.

“I’m like so devo that the Cullens couldn’t hang out with us today, did anyone like, even think about inviting them” * sad face *

The hot one who turns into a warewolf later in this whole ridiculous series turns to face Lauren and says “ They are nowhere near cool enough to hang out with our gang”.

I stare at this immensely attractive specimen, distracted by the movement in his sexily sculptured abdominal muscles. I make a mental note to dump Edward at the first possible opportunity.