Alex.

I love you. I love you more than all the fish in the sea, and all the stars in the sky. I love you and the way you loved me back. I love your "fuck it" attitude. I love your bad influence. I love the way we spun in your room until we blacked out, and how we laughed under flashing lights until we were sick to the stomach. I loved how you called me so late on your tinsy pink flip phone, and I love the way you always knew what to do when I was sad, even if it was just to hold me, and be silent. I love how high on life we both were, or I thought you were. I look at the pictures of us, of you. Your smile, your face, your body...you. I wonder what you were thinking that day. I wonder what made you feel like you couldn't come to me. I wonder what went through your mind as you jumped off the edge. I imagine, I hope, that it was pure freedom. That it was all your worries whooshing away. You said have "seen enough, heard enough, tasted enough", and ike, I believe you. I only hope that you have found your peace, and all the happiness you were looking for.

I will miss you more than words can ever explain and more than pictures will ever show. I see you so clearly in my mind and I am afraid of losing that image. I see you everywhere. People look like you, people talk like you, people remind me of you. Everything reminds me of you, and how much I wish this wasn't real. But you were real Alex, you were so very real to me, and I don't know how life will go on. I don't know how I will ever be the same without you. You were this chapter in my life, that I never want to end. Perpetually 21, you shall live on in my memory as my first love, my best friend, my biggest smiles, my everything.