Say it.

In 2012, I want to tell people I love them. Show people that I love them. I have come to realise that every day is special, any day could be your last. You can't live for the future and you cant love for it either. I don't want it to be too late. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and wish that I  had told you I loved you yesterday. I dont want to not wake up, and for people to never know how I feel... I want to make things happen now, because that is what the present is all about. That is what 2012 is about for me.

I will give you the moon.

Santa Clause has been to town

It's that one special day of the year when children wake up at 5 am because they are so excited about Santa and all the presents he has left behind. That time when everyone is just a little bit happier and more generous. I often think about those spending christmas alone, or those who have nothing. I feel happy because I too am celebrating with my family, getting lovely presents, eating incredible food and spending time at the beach just generally being merry.

I think about those people who have nothing and I feel sad for them. I feel like I want to help them. I think about Somalian refugees and old people with no family left. I think about those who are sick and in need,  who have lost loved ones and those who have nowhere to go. There is a lot of sadness and despair in the world, and I see that all the time, but at this time of year it can be masked by merriment. I often wonder how I can help, and where I can even start, but I do know that it makes me appreciate what I have so much more.  So today I will be merry, enjoy my presents, and spend time with the people I love, but I will spare a thought for people less fortunate because that is what christmas is about to me.

Merry Christmas!

Germany.

It's this tiny little country, that likes to steal my friends. I know saying goodbye to people is hard I expect it. I make friends with people from overseas, and I know that eventually they will leave. I think maybe it will get easier but it never does. Not even a little bit. That final hug, that final kiss, that urgency to make known how much you are going to miss someone, and how much you love them. All the conversations you have ever had, pop into your mind, all the great times you had together, blur by, everything blurs together and the next thing you know, you are driving off, down a dreary highway, rain pelting down, with "Never let me go" blaring out of the radio and you just can't fight the tears anymore, even though you so desperately want to. 

I just want you to know though, that you always make me smile. I have never felt safer than when I was in your arms for cuddles, and I have never told anyone half the things I told you. I will miss you more than I can really stand to think about and the night I told you not to come to close because I smelt like sunscreen and tasted like saltwater and you said "Yes, but that's just you", was the most important thing anyone has ever said to me because at that moment I knew that I never had to fake anything about myself with you because you just appreciated me the way I am. 

You are so very important.

In the days we thought would last forever.

I miss the carefree days where all we cared about was getting caught. Those lazy, warm friday afternoons when we would lie on my bed and listen to music that would have us tripping for days. We would watch the laser as it got dark and it lit up the room with it's dots of red and green. We would play with highlighters under black lights and we would read Aristotle and theorise about our lives. Sometimes we would read shakespeare and I would be juliet while you played romeo and we would kiss until our lips were bleeding.

Late night loving and sleeping in until midday on saturday because there was nothing more important than what we were doing and where we were. I remember when we went to concerts and the lights would skip across our faces,  the colours were blinding and no words were spoken because the music filled our souls. We would close our eyes and sway with each other until long after the music finished in a love affair we thought would last forever.

You would cook for me and we would eat french toast for dinner because that was our favourite. We would drink red wine and laugh because life was just so funny. Everything went by in a blur of free moments. And now all we have left to show for this, long after the bands have broken up, the lights have been turned off and our lips are healed, is the memory of us. They memory of how it used to be.

To the person who never fails to make me laugh.

The thing about you, is that you might not realise that you are that person. You only have to be there to make me smile. Your immature comments, your lopsided grin. You world of drugs and careless recklessness, your apathetic approach to life that leaves you completely guilt free. Your voice on the other end of the phone. The fact that I know when you pick up, your a 6 ft emo kid who belongs back in grade 10, and yet you are talking on a mini pink flip phone that used to belong to your sister. You say things that are hardly funny but because you are saying them, somehow they seem hilarious. You make me feel so happy. Refreshed. Like no matter how much time we spend apart, coming together is never a problem. There's no such thing as awkward and no moments that could possibly ever be dull. Your not a lover, and we are only sort of part time friends. Your just the guy who makes me laugh. And I really love you.