Germany.

It's this tiny little country, that likes to steal my friends. I know saying goodbye to people is hard I expect it. I make friends with people from overseas, and I know that eventually they will leave. I think maybe it will get easier but it never does. Not even a little bit. That final hug, that final kiss, that urgency to make known how much you are going to miss someone, and how much you love them. All the conversations you have ever had, pop into your mind, all the great times you had together, blur by, everything blurs together and the next thing you know, you are driving off, down a dreary highway, rain pelting down, with "Never let me go" blaring out of the radio and you just can't fight the tears anymore, even though you so desperately want to. 

I just want you to know though, that you always make me smile. I have never felt safer than when I was in your arms for cuddles, and I have never told anyone half the things I told you. I will miss you more than I can really stand to think about and the night I told you not to come to close because I smelt like sunscreen and tasted like saltwater and you said "Yes, but that's just you", was the most important thing anyone has ever said to me because at that moment I knew that I never had to fake anything about myself with you because you just appreciated me the way I am. 

You are so very important.

Goodbyes.

"Never say goodbye. Because saying goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting."

 I need your calmness. I need your positive energy. I need your organization. I need your guidance. I need you to dance with me crazily, I need to hear you tell me about your life and I need to tell you about mine. I need to see you laugh when someone says something funny, because I probably found it funny too but I don't want to laugh by myself. I need you to teach me to play wii properly and I need you to include me in decisions so I know I am needed. I need you to tell me what to do when things go wrong, I love that you're friends with me just because I am me, no pretending. I need to know you are still there because I need you as my friend.

We used to be friends.

A long time ago, we used to be friends. Maybe the Dandy Warhols did know what they were talking about. We Used to be friends. There was a time when I could tell you anything. I could whisper secrets in your ear and know that they would be safe forever. I listened to you cry and pour your heart out when no one else would, and we sat and talked all night, then we would hold each other like it was the end of the earth because if we let go, it felt like it may well be just that. Magnetic. It was love, it was laughter, it was the fun times and the sad. It was the kind of togetherness that you think you could never feel with another human being. 

So the part I don't understand is where all that went wrong. I wasted so many truths on you, only to get lies in return. A broken heart, in a way I never thought was possible. In a way that no lover could ever achieve. The monsters that haunt my nightmares are a better friend than you could ever be. And I just can't do it anymore. Our story ends here.