How to eat everything on your plate when dinner tastes really bad but you don’t want to offend anyone by leaving it.

How to eat everything on your plate when dinner tastes really bad but you don’t want to offend anyone by leaving it.

Step 1. Stop thinking about how god damn awful it smells. If it does indeed smell awful. When you smell it, you preemptively taste it. Don’t do that.

Step 2. Eat the things that look the worst, first. There is a reason that you always save the icing on the cupcake to last, and that’s because it tastes delicious. If there is something that looks even mildly edible on your plate, save it, you can make up the time it takes to chew down the bad stuff, with the good stuff later.

Step 3. Place a small amount of the offending food item on the edge of your fork.

Step 4. Look enthusiastic, and take a deep breath. If you feel like this could look suss, for example, everyone is watching you, you can pass this off as a laugh.

Step 5.  Place fork in mouth.

Step 6. Swallow. *Note- do not chew. Make sure the amount is small enough that it can be swallowed directly with minimal chewing and thus without hitting your taste buds. If you must chew, flatten your tongue to the top of your mouth and keep it there until food is gone.

Step 7. Repeat until the gross food is gone. * Note. It is possible to hide some of it in a napkin if you maintain stealth. 

Step 8. Take the edible food, place small amount on fork.

Step 9. Put fork in mouth. Chew if possible, swallow.

Step 10. Request an after dinner tea or coffee. This will wash down the offensive crap you have just eaten.

Important note: Vomiting will only bring the taste back into your mouth so avoid this at all costs. Ensure throughout the dinner, you continue light conversation with occasional compliments to the cook. This will make you seem awesome, and will also boost your own self- esteem in preparation for the next bite. 

Everything tastes better with wine.
(Image from Mens Health Magazine)

The Hunger Games- Short Review.

The Hunger Games (aka the new twilight)

Only the latest tweenage pot of literary gold could get away with marketing a storyline involving ritual child slaughter and warning people never to disagree with their governments, to children. 

‘The Hunger Games’ plot in a nutshell, revolves around 13 districts of the fictional Panem who each must nominate a child between the ages of 12 and 18 to compete in the annual Hunger Games, fighting to the death until only one victor remains.  The female heroine, Katniss Everdeen, is chosen from the poorer district of 13, and has qualities not unlike the last biggest female heroine in tweenage literature, Bella Swan from Twilight. As Bella was a mere human, Katniss is a mere lower class coal miners daughter.

Overall, a pathetic piece of literature, and unfit for publication let alone movie rights, although could be helpful if you run out of toilet paper.