In the days we thought would last forever.

I miss the carefree days where all we cared about was getting caught. Those lazy, warm friday afternoons when we would lie on my bed and listen to music that would have us tripping for days. We would watch the laser as it got dark and it lit up the room with it's dots of red and green. We would play with highlighters under black lights and we would read Aristotle and theorise about our lives. Sometimes we would read shakespeare and I would be juliet while you played romeo and we would kiss until our lips were bleeding.

Late night loving and sleeping in until midday on saturday because there was nothing more important than what we were doing and where we were. I remember when we went to concerts and the lights would skip across our faces,  the colours were blinding and no words were spoken because the music filled our souls. We would close our eyes and sway with each other until long after the music finished in a love affair we thought would last forever.

You would cook for me and we would eat french toast for dinner because that was our favourite. We would drink red wine and laugh because life was just so funny. Everything went by in a blur of free moments. And now all we have left to show for this, long after the bands have broken up, the lights have been turned off and our lips are healed, is the memory of us. They memory of how it used to be.

A weekend that memories are made of.

A champagne hangover is all I have to show from the best weekend of my life. I never want to waste those memories. 

All the lost friends, loves and time over the past 21 years, will never unbalance the happiness I felt this weekend as we laughed and talked and drank our way to a moment in our lives that we will never forget. 

We used to be friends.

A long time ago, we used to be friends. Maybe the Dandy Warhols did know what they were talking about. We Used to be friends. There was a time when I could tell you anything. I could whisper secrets in your ear and know that they would be safe forever. I listened to you cry and pour your heart out when no one else would, and we sat and talked all night, then we would hold each other like it was the end of the earth because if we let go, it felt like it may well be just that. Magnetic. It was love, it was laughter, it was the fun times and the sad. It was the kind of togetherness that you think you could never feel with another human being. 

So the part I don't understand is where all that went wrong. I wasted so many truths on you, only to get lies in return. A broken heart, in a way I never thought was possible. In a way that no lover could ever achieve. The monsters that haunt my nightmares are a better friend than you could ever be. And I just can't do it anymore. Our story ends here.