To the person who never fails to make me laugh.

The thing about you, is that you might not realise that you are that person. You only have to be there to make me smile. Your immature comments, your lopsided grin. You world of drugs and careless recklessness, your apathetic approach to life that leaves you completely guilt free. Your voice on the other end of the phone. The fact that I know when you pick up, your a 6 ft emo kid who belongs back in grade 10, and yet you are talking on a mini pink flip phone that used to belong to your sister. You say things that are hardly funny but because you are saying them, somehow they seem hilarious. You make me feel so happy. Refreshed. Like no matter how much time we spend apart, coming together is never a problem. There's no such thing as awkward and no moments that could possibly ever be dull. Your not a lover, and we are only sort of part time friends. Your just the guy who makes me laugh. And I really love you.

THIS IS MY F*CKING TABLE.

I study on the dining room table at my hall of residence every exam period. I always sit at the same table, it's close to the powerpoint, close to the heater, no cross breeze. It's the perfect location because I can see everyone, and they can see me and how much I don't want anyone to come near me. I have been told that when I get into studying, with my hoodie up, I have a somewhat menacing glare that radiates around the college, inspiring trepidation in others. 

Today, someone sat across from me. The nerve. 

STUVAC

SWOTVAC, STUVAC, SWOTTING. A non-teaching period for students to use for study. Yeah, that’s what happens. How do we go from leisurely procrastination to wound-up caffeine fiends?

“Oh yeah I will get to that in a few days”

It’s day one of SWOTVAC and a full seven days of ‘study time’ stretches out ahead of you.  You have notes to do but that’s what tomorrow is for, right? The first few days are for recovering and ‘organising’ your time.  Allocating work over a period of other days feels like work.

“I am studying because I have a word document open”

Your notes are open in a window on your computer. Problem is, Facebook, YouTube and Survive Law are too. This is like the warm up lap. The lap were you realise just how long the pool is and how much work you have ahead of you. SWOTVAC looks a whole lot shorter right now, doesn’t it?

“LEAVE ME ALONE”

Around day four the gravity of a semester of procrastination hits you.  Let the frenzied fun begin! Loved ones tread into your space with trepidation.  Food gets cautiously left for you on the corner of your desk, eating with everyone else would mean spending precious minutes doing anything that is not law related. But somehow Facebook still finds its way onto your computer.

Coffee or Red Bull-induced psychosis

70% of your notes are in order and the preparation finish line is in sight. Too bad you have hooked yourself up on an unbelievable amount of energy drinks – sleep will be a long time coming.  Chances are you’ll complete your notes at 4am after about 36 hours without sleep. Then you’re lying in bed staring at the ceiling and getting frustrated about not being able to sleep.

Aren’t exams fun?

(Law School Survival Guide)

Bender

There were dresses that sparkled

as girls were spun around

There were shirts unbuttoned 

and lights obscured reality

There was coloured candy being thrown into the night

and teeth shown in flashing smiles

My clothes are so dirty

I can hear whispering that scares me to my bones

I can smell the alcohol on my hands

the dirty squelchy smell

I stumble through the iron bar gate and it crashes behind me

Collapsing into the sheets

Where I can forget everything that happened

And remember everything that didn't.

Of Mice and Men

For the first time since Harry Potter, I almost cried today while reading a book. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck is so simple. It follows two friends through the 1930s depression as they try to find work on ranches, so that one day they might own a little farm of their own, where they can tend to some rabbits. George is the brains, Lennie is the strength.  I thought since it was older, and a classic that I might not be able to relate to it particularly well, and I read it after having it recommended to me by the trusty old stumble upon. 

*Spoiler*

It started out so simply, but as we got further on, and Lennie can't control his behaviour and his strength, it becomes heartbreaking. He kills a puppy because he doesn't realize how it happened because he was only trying to pet it, then later he kills his bosses wife accidentally when she asks him to touch her hair so he can feel how soft it is. He accidentally breaks her neck. If this isn't tragic enough, the ending had me whimpering softly into my pillow, though I won't tell you what that ending is since you really ought to go and read this for yourself. 

What did I learn from this book? Well, I learnt that life isn't simple. Sometimes it might seem like it is, but even the simplest of dreams are hard to grasp. I learnt that friendship is about more than just being there for someone, it's about loving them enough to be able to lie when the truth would hurt them more. I learnt that sometimes there is no way out of that friendship and I learnt that having no way out can be really scary.