Lets run away and never come back.

(image from weheartit.com)

Sometimes things happen. Things that make you want to run away from everything. From responsibility. From problems. From life. 

Today I sat through a solid 3 hours of meetings. It's my responsibility and I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is conflict. I've always been terrible at it. I dont like upsetting people, or seeing people upset even when sometimes things need to be said. 

Honestly, after so long, listening to negative takes on negativity, despite a possibly positive outcome, it made me want to cry. I wanted to curl up in a corner and just cry until it all went away. It made me want to get in my car and drive. Drive away to somewhere warm, where I dont have to feel constant responsibility and pressure from others. Where I dont have to think about the past or the people from there. Where I could sit and stare over the water or the mountains and think to myself "Fuck, this is beautiful. This is life." The problem is though, I can't do that. It's not a possibility. There is no way out of this one right now. Sometimes you have to suck it up. 

But is it worth the sacrifice that I make to myself, every single second, of every minute, of every day? Ask me in November. 

This probably sounds utterly pathetic and very uncreative, but my thoughts are so jumbled right now, that I am having trouble just reading back what I have written.  I hope it doesn't sound like a "dear diary" entry. If it does, you know the shits really hit the fan.