Heartbeat with improper punctuation.

A fear so deep it shakes you to the core, picking at heartstrings like a vulture picks at flesh.
Darkness leaking through a window, mopped up by sporadic light, fading in and out.
Sickness poisons your blood, fresh and red, essence of your life, and it's dying
You never know what to expect, you just want it all to be okay.
All you taste is vomit, and all you can hear is static energy coming from nowhere.
You crumble to the ground and go pale. No sign of a conscious thought. All you can see is the clouds as you wonder why it's all vanishing.
A heartbeat with improper punctuation, thats all it has to be.

The Milk Fridge.

"There's no use crying over spilt milk". Thats what they used to tell me. Until I spilt it. 

Careless, off limits, why, avoided, follow protocols, cost. These are just a few of the common phrases you might hear once you actually actually spill the milk. Or spoil it... as the case may be. 

It was a dark and stormy night... at least I am pretty sure it was, my mood was dark and stormy, which is really all I can remember. I had just returned from a long weekend in my second home on the north coast, where I saw my elderly relatives for what may well have been the last time. I said goodbye to my family at home, knowing I wouldn't see them for weeks. I was in a terrible mood. I sat in a meeting the second I got back for over an hour, at which point, on the edge of a nervous breakdown and feeling distinctly like I was about to pass out... I was asked to retrieve a dinner. And thats when I left the fridge open. 

I stood there and thought, you know what, how can I best fuck up everyone at this place... what would cause the most inconvenience possible... I know! I'll deprive them of their cereal in the morning. 

No not really. I thought I had shut it and I walked out, and didn't hear anything more until the next morning, when, at 7 am, the second I walked into breakfast, I was bombarded with questions of my whereabouts the night before (which are often hazy at the best of times, though that night I remembered because I had been watching sex and the city in bed until 3 am), the whereabouts of everyone else in this place, and made to feel like the earth had been shattered as a result of my careless actions. I had been awake for approximately 2 minutes... so as you might imagine... the best response I could give was to nod in what I hoped was an apologetic manner. 

Later that day, I was to receive a further 6 emails from various dignitaries of the residence. And a phone call, at which point I broke down in tears, and internally begged to be fired so I would never have to deal with anything this first world petty again. 

What I really can't stand about the whole situation is the triviality of it all, and despite knowing this whole issue was trivial, is that out of all the things I have been through this year, this was the one that set me off. It was the one that broke me. It was the cherry on the ruined cake of 2011. 

It saddens me to think that I have just written a whole blog... about breaking down... over a milk fridge.

Road Trip!

Tacking Point, Port Macquarie

So after a completely relaxed day of driving, we have made it to Port Macquarie.

 Port brings back a lot of memories for me, as we drove along past tacking point, I remembered the days of paddling up the beach towards the lighthouse, and the days where we hoped to just avoid the rocks that spot the beach the entire way along. I remember the days of peppermint park, and family holidays with our QLD friends. I remember the pancake place and the days before the high rise apartments.

We spent some time this afternoon just admiring the newly done up lighthouse. There was a spectacular storm cell that we had chased up the coast and that hit as we arrived creating a shadow across the coast and the north easterly, onshore winds made for some wild surf (Although, we went back later when the westerly had come through, and it had cleaned the waves up to a point where they were entirely surfable and offshore).

After arriving at the motel, we decided that Toro's Mexican would be the only acceptable dinner option so we had ourselves a margarita and some burritos. New memories to add to me already hefty collection, from the NSW, Australian coast.

King of the Rock

This is a tribute post to my brother who won the King of the Rock surfing competition today, held in memory of my uncle, Mark Clifford. 

 I am so proud of my little brother, not just today, but always. He is a true inspiration to me and frankly I would be completely lost without him. 

(Mark Clifford)

(Nick ripping up the rock. Photos by Heather Wren.)

Travel Bug

I made a rather foolish though exciting purchase last week, of the "Long Way Round Collectors Edition Box Set". It contains: Long Way Round, Long Way Down and Race to Dakar. Although I have seen Long Way Round and Down a number of times I had not seen race to Dakar. It's one of those shows that gives you this unexplainable urge to travel far and wide. I have been looking up flights to various destinations wondering what possible adventures could be next in store for me.

In about 3 weeks I am taking a road trip up the East coast of NSW which I am very excited about. I have also been looking up flights to Hawaii for their winter to travel along the coast to see the winter swells and maybe even get some surfs in somewhere. I also looked up trips to various pacific islands, Africa, South America, the UK and Asia. It is making me realise that there is SO much I want to see and do, and I want to take every possible opportunity that throws itself my way.

Every time I sit down to work on an essay, or to read a law textbook, I feel sad about the things I could be doing instead, and yet excited, knowing that one day, I will be doing them.

Attitude is Altitude.

Further to my post yesterday, while I am in the process of re evaluating my life some what... I stumbled across this video. It might just change your life. Or at least how you look at it!

Soul Surfer

There are times, when I look at my life, and I think "It's too hard." I am always worrying about my next exam, whether I am fighting with a friend, what I am doing on the weekend, not having enough time for a social life. 

Although I realise on a regular basis, the pathetic nature of these worries, there is the occasional moment of clarity when I am reminded of just how lucky I really am.  Today was one of those moments.

The movie "Soul Surfer" tells the story of Bethany Hamilton, a name that has become commonplace in the surfing world. Although I have been admiring the strength of this woman since her accident, having read her book and followed her website closely, when watching her movie today, it hit me all over again. Bethany was attacked by a shark while out surfing with her friends in her home state, Hawaii. She lost an arm as a result. For her surfing career, most assumed it was fatal. It wasn't. She managed to get back out in the water and return to the sport within weeks of the accident. Not only did she keep surfing, but she turned pro. Her faith, courage and ability led her to her dreams and as she once quoted "I have been able to embrace more people with one arm, than I ever could with two." 

People like this bring me back into reality. They make me realise how easy my life is, and inspire in me, a need to help others. Bethany has been such an inspiration for me, in that I look at her and what she has overcome to reach her dreams, compared to the path currently laid out in front of me with virtually no obstacles along the way. I watched this movie today, and almost cried at the end when they were showing you actual footage of her getting back in the water after the attack.

 It comforts me to know, that there is someone out there with as much courage, drive, ability, selflessness  and determination as Bethany Hamilton.